我 们 。

就快要结束了。
到了今天，我还是不知道该如何接受这事实。
说我傻，说痴痴的等待是没有用的，
但是我还是没办法让自己放手。
我无法放开我们所一起拥有的那些回忆，
无法放开我们所一起拥有的那份爱。

心头不只是感到酸酸的，也非常遗憾。




为什么，你永远不可能是我的？
而我却那么害怕失去你呢？

w e a l t h .

Sometimes, I just want to walk alone in the park,
feeling the cool breeze on my face,
thinking back on the precious memories I shared with the ones I loved.
I no understand why is everyone so caught up in a flux,
trying to live their life the way they think they should.

They pursue glamour, power and wealth.
But ultimately,
What does it lead us to anyway?
People these days know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.
And honestly,
I find that very saddening.




I can't bring myself to look you in the eyes.

G u y s .

Guys.
They are so superficial.
They can only see how attractive a girl is,the way they look,
the way they dress, the way the put on their makeup.
Those unlucky girls who do not look as aesthetically pleasing as others,they simply get ignored.
Worse of all,they usually get cruelly rejected,
yet leaving another scar on their already damaged souls and hearts.


I often wonder,whether the guys noticed how these girls,reveal their genuine smiles whenever they see their eyes twinkle playfully as they talked about the times he had fun.

How she would tuck the loose strand of hair dangling by the side of their cheek neatly behind their right ear when she's nervous,or look away shyly whenever they look them directly in the eyes.

How she would do funny, stupid and completely redundant and to an extent, retarded actions just so he could notice her?
Or how she would especially wear something nice so she could leave a good impression on him?

Guys, it's time you learn to look deeper than the way things appear to be one the surface.
Wake up your ideas about girls.
We're not as simple as you think we are.






The empty space in my heart is still vacant.

d e c e m b e r .

December starts today.
Looking back at everything, I'm pretty amazed I survived so much.
But the worse has yet to come.


Just remembered a quote from "The Outsiders" by S.E Hinton;
"Nothing gold can stay."
So I'm just trying to cherish all that I have now.
Clinging on to those times we shared,
the memories we had,
before it all fades away.






I have died everyday waiting for you.
Darling don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a thousand years,
And I'd love you, for a thousand more. - Christina Perri; A Thousand Years.

My mind's a struggle,
my heart in a tangle.
Lost, I don't know where to turn to,
who to confide in.
I never found myself feeling so utterly trapped before.




I remember those nights I cried myself to sleep.

爱。

我，爱上了不该爱上的人。
但是，就算他不爱我，我还是会祝他能够找到属于自己的幸福。




人生就是如此残酷，
当心想他就是自己的白马王子时，
你才会发现，
这世上是没有爱情能够跟童话故事一样的完美。

1 9 9 th

Whenever I have just a tiny gleam of hope,
I destroy it as fast as possible.
Because I know how excruciating it is,
if it was someone else who were to be the one destroying it.
Especially if that someone meant the whole world to you.









Looking back now,
It all feels like a joke to me.
I wish I've known that earlier,
So I wouldn't have made myself look like a complete fool.
But thank you,
For saving my pride, at the very least.

t e e n a g e .

The hardest part of growing up,
I personally feel,
is the teenage years.
In our childhood time,
everbody held their innocence,
nobody really understood what exactly was shame.
Everybody just had their fun, laughed along with their playmates,
and cried at small matters that thinking back now, makes it hard to resist a laugh.

However, now in our teens,
everyone looks at things from a totally different viewpoint.
We shed off our coat of innocence,
and become as judgemental, and pretentious as we can.
We often see things the way it is,
and never beyond that,
never beyond that shade of superficiality and pretense.

And it often disappoint me to see so many friendship, kinship and relationship being ruin just because of our shallowness, our insolence and ignorance.
yes, I might be making this statement here because well,
I AM in my teens, to be told the truth.

Maybe, as we mature, we might change - for the better.
But who knows?
We might take a wrong turn,
and roll downhill instead.
Whatever it is,
Now I realise that nothing ever stays permanent as what it is.
Everything and everyone changes,
along with time.
So cherish,
cherish each and every moment you have,
because once it's gone,
it's never gonna come back,
and even if it does,
it's never gonna be the same.




I miss you so bad.
I have completely failed to give up on you.

h u n g r y .

I get hungry super easily these days.
Extreme meals.



No way am I gonna go through that again.
Just you wait and see,
how I get you out of my mind.

s c r e w e d .

I feel so screwed inside.
Like a huge mess, all tangled up together in a huge knot.
And the worse thing is, I can't seem to untangle it.
I don't know how to describe this feeling.
There's so much I wanna say,
but I can't find no courage to speak.
There's so much I want you to know,
but I don't know how to tell you.
And I'll probably never tell you.


I need to forget you.
Now.

s l e e p .

Sleep, is the best way to escape the harsh reality of this cruel world.
Well, at least it allows you to divulge yourself into something you would like to sincerely believe in.



Yes, I should have thought of it earlier.
Too submerged in my own fantasies,
So now did I realise it is all a false illusion.
Why would you fall for me anyway?

y o u .

I see your true colours, finally.


I don't know what's wrong with me.
The determination to give up on you melts whenever you flash that smile of yours.
Stop tempting me to fall back into the same trap I so foolishly stepped into.
Please,
I don't want to feel that excrutiating pain yet again.

f r i e n d s .

I realised,
only when you're in need of help do you realise who your true friends are.
And I'm blessed to have true friends indeed.
So thank you my friends,
for staying by my side when I needed you.
I couldn't be more thankful.


Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.

i h a t e y o u .

When I look at how pathetic you are,
I felt so sorry for you.
So what if you're at the top of the world?
So what if your results are so much better than the rest?
So what if you're rich?
So what.

You're all alone.

You might not know it,
but your character really sucks.
I mean it.
I have never, ever, in my life seen anyone as bitchy as you.
You might easily be able to call yourself a bitch playfully,
But I don't think you know that you're in fact, really one.

Just a bit of exaggeration here,
My eyes will burn just by looking at you.
My hears will hurt just by hearing your voice.
I think you screw up everyone's life,
and you're a plain waste of oxygen on Earth,
so you should just get out of everybody's way and go kill yourself or something.

I really hate you.
Very, very much.


I just wanna run right through the rain,
I just wanna dance right through the pain.
I just wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum,
And let my heart beat louder, let my heart speak louder than my head.

d a m n e d .

What kind of shit have I just gotten myself into.
All tangled up in this huge mess,
I can't seem to get out of it.
I am so confused.



Everytime I am about to forget,
You would appear and everything starts all over again.
Thanks, for making me revolve around you, idiot.

l i f e .

I don't know why my life starts to tumble down, down down.
What did I do?
Everytime someting good happens,
I feel scared, for I know,
when something that good happens to me,
something bad would definitely fall on me.
No doubt.

This is life, for me.
This has always been how my life would be.
I would have to forever live up to people's expectations,
Always existing, never living.
Never living for myself,
Doing what i do not because I want do,
but because I need to.
I don't want it this way.
It's my life.


Funny how you're dead, people start listening.

d e s e r v e .

Oh well, I really cannot stand you.
Call me a hypocrite, call me superficial.
Whatever, seriously.
Your words are cheap,
not meant to be heard, not meant to be valued.
You are more than just a girl,
you're a despicable one.
I've never seen anyone as mean as you.
Never.

So don't blame me for doing this to you.
Because you deserve it.
You don't deserve my kindness.
No, you don't deserve to have anything from me.

I feel so overwhelmed with work.
Somehow, it seems endless.
I find myself trying to finish and clear the workload,
but it just comes flooding in before I can clear it all away.
It's been long since I've felt the feeling whereby I know I have done everything I needed to do.
I want to feel that again.
And I am trying hard to find that feeling.

There was once I told myself silently in my heart,
I promised to sacrifice everything up for him.
I prayed, hoped and wished every night he would one day reciprocate my feelings for him. But no, it never happened.
Now, I prayed, hoped and wished every night that it did.

I d o n ' t w a n t .

Sometimes, I wished I hadn't taken on this responsibilty.
I wish there was someone out there,
who knew how I felt,
and would save me out of this horrible feeling.
The feeling of being trapped out in some kind of circumstances,
which you know you would never be able to escape from.

I wish people could understand out I feel.
I wish people would know that I did all that,
But I didn't mean to do all those things.
I'm serious.

I just want to be myself.
I don't want to take on another different persona,
so different that I'm uncomfortable with it.
I don't want to wake up each day feeling so fed up with myself.
I don't want to live each day knowing that I'm wasting time,
Knowing that I can't make a difference.
I don't want to go unheard.
I don't want people to treat me like I'm invisible.
I don't want to live such a life.

S h u t u p .

Look, I know what you're trying to tell us.
I know you have tuition, I know you are far better than most of us in your subjects.
I know you can easily can an A, but I telling you, stop showing it off.
Maybe it's your lack of sense of security that makes you so desperately need some assurance,but look, there are people out there who do not like your insensitve commments, and rude remarks. We all feel offended if you do not know. Why not you just bang your bloody head on your wall to get this truth in, and zip up your big mouth so such words stop spilling out. In conclusion, shut up.

Oh crap.
It's the last day of the holidays.

w e a k .

Sometimes, I feel so demoralized.
So, so weak.
I don't know why.
I feel like I can't accomplish anything perfectly, without anyone's help.
It just makes me feel so.. Sigh.
I don't know what I am supposed to do now.
My life is in broken pieces,
those memories still haunt me all the time,
oh yes, and the guilt.
Smacked right in my face, all this shit.
And I know it's just going to get worse.
That's probably all that I know.


What do you exactly want from me?
Can you just please, I really begging you,
Just get out of my life?
I don't want to hear you, see you, or even feel your presence.
You make me suffocate.

f e e l i n g s .

I can't describe this feeling.
It's like pain, happiness, sorrow, joy all mixed together.



The feeling whereby you feel that he's the only thing you're living for.
Ever felt this way?
And knowing that he won't reciprocate the same feelings towards,
you bottle everything up within your soul,
and everyday of your life you feel like exploding.
Your heart is ripping apart everytime he talks to other girls,
you cry and cry and cry.
Is that what you do?

d i s p e n s a b l e .

I am still afraid to look you in the eyes,
because when I do so,
the guilt still hits me in the face,
and the pain stabs right through my heart.


Sometimes I wonder,
what would happen if I'm gone?
Am I so indispensable and invisible,
that even when I'm gone,
it doesn't matter?
Not a single bit at all?

p r o c a s t i n a t i o n .

Procastination is killing me. Seriously.
Come on idiot, buck up.


Christina Perri is right.
Who do you think you are?
What makes you think youre so great,
you can go around breaking hearts?
The scars you leave behind will never heal,
and the love you tore apart,
will never be pieced back again.
Do you know that?

Sometimes we all don't have a choice.

d r a i n e d o u t .

I feel so drained just trying to keep everything intact.
I feel so frustrated nobody wants or cares to know how I feel.
I feel so screwed up as an individual. (how many times have I mentioned this?)I feel like such a loser.

So why can't you just help me shoulder some burden?


Someday, I'll be living in a big, old city.
And all you're ever gonna be is mean.
I love Taylor Swift!
Sadly I fail as a fan of hers.

P a i n .

I promised. Never, ever to hurt anyone with my words.
But there I go again.
Piercing through someone's ego with my words.
If words can kill,
That person would have been dead by now.
Dammit, I'm an effing screwed up person.
I hate myself. I really do.
I wish I never existed.
I wish I never did that to you.
I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry.
Empty promises is all I make.
All I can do is break them.
Cause I am effing screwed up.


And sometimes I numb myself by crying,
Crying myself to sleep.
I know it's lame, stupid and childish.
But I can't help it.
That's why I do.
I cry, and cry, and cry.
The guilt. It rushes up to me,
conquering every single part of my body,
repeatedly reminding me of my cruelty,
of my heartless deeds, of my immature acts.
The pain. It tears my soul into a million pieces,
My soul becomes it's prisoner, and it makes sure it torments my soul,
till it's completely paralysed.
Yes, it's that painful.

u n f a i r .

There's no secret.
It's something called believe.
Just believe, and everything would be yours.
Never underestimate the power of believing.


Life's unfair.
So what? Live with it.
But, how do you expect me do live with such injustice?
You say, "Live with it". Have you ever tried to do that then?
It takes patience, endurance, and humility.
I don't have that.
I'll be truthful.
I don't have what it takes to live through this unfairness.

p o w e r .

With greater power, comes greater responsibilities.

I would give everything to get this big responsibility off my shoulders,
throw it to someone else,
and say, "I quit".
But, there's no quitting. It's too late.
I should just be deemed as a failure because I fail.
I fail to lead. I fail in every single crap you can imagine.
I'm a pathetic failure.

You, burned a hole in my heart.
You, murdered my soul, left me an empty shell.
You, never empathised with me, or anyone.
You, just another traiter.
You, get out of my life.

m a k e i t u p t o y o u.

The art of blogging is not easy to master.

I'm so sick of making it up to you,
just because of plain guilt,
when I don't even know what the heck did I do wrong.
Crap.
I really hate this.
You're just different.
Or no, maybe I'm just different.
But it doesn't matter.
Because now,
I'm no longer going to do anything make it up to you.
There ain't no need for that, I guess.

g u i l t .

For the past two years I managed this blog,
it failed miserably because so far I have only managed to post 173 blog posts.
But whatever.
I made an effort. (not really)

Guilt. It practically eats into me. Or rather, eat me.
I'm so sorry I made so many people said sorry.
I know it's my fault.
It has always been my fault all along.
I don't know what to do to make things better.
Save me, somebody.

Oh hi people.
Okay, so for ONCE, I meant it, ONCE.
I am going to blog a NORMAL blog post,
without weird paragraphs that nobody even knows what the heck I'm trying to say.
But then again.
This blog is like an isolated land,
nobody ever reads it.

Okay, so let's see.
Today was the ZhongHua 2011 Sports Carnival.
And Band won the third place for cheer competition!
Yay. Band ftw. Like duh. We're awesome.

Okay, but other than that, it was really hot,
I was burning,
the rubber track was burning,
I COULD SMELL IT.
Gosh, it stinks.
I stink from all the burning too.

Okay. I came home and slept like never before.
I woke up feeling like crap,
cause I wasted my time sleeping.
But then again.
I have loads of time to waste now,
that those exams are GONE.

Then I went to read the library book I borrowed.
I was on the 35 page did I just realised what was going on in the book.
Oh, I was SO proud of myself.

Okay, so now I have tried my best to put up a blog post without being too emotional,
too crazy, as if I'm drowning in abyss of sadness, depression.

I feel really screwed.
I try so hard, so hard to piece back the crumbling pieces of my life,
but no matter what I do, it's useless because those pieces just won't stick back to it's original place.
Am I to be blamed for that?

I need a life.
Out of this damned shithole I'm living in.
GET ME A LIFE.

I know what I'm doing is wrong.
But I can't put a cessation to it.
I can't help being like this.
It's just me.
What else do you want me to do?

Maybe without my existence,
you would be a happier person.
I'm really sorry that I even exist in your life.
But like I said, it can't be help.
It is fated.

Your life is crumbling to tiny pieces.
You try to hold on to them,
but you never seem to be able to fix it back.
And then,
you fall into a bottomless pit of despair.
You're left with nothing but pain.
A dull ache that gnaws at your empty soul.
An unbearable pain that seems to eat into your inner thoughts.
You feel like you're better off dead.

That's the impact.

Hi.
Those random blogwalkers who fills up my tagboard with stupid, ingenuine comments all just wanting me to visit your freaking page please just get the hell out of my life.
Thanks.

I can't believe it's so unfair.

It's the last day of the march holiday.
Can you believe how fast this holiday actually went by?
Phew.
I was struggling to look for time to do my homework.
But never mind,
i think it's good to be able to keep myself busy.

Tomorrow, will be a new beginning,
a new start to a series of new events that is about to happen.
I will brace myself for whatever that will happen.
I will need motivation.

People out there who is beginning to lose faith in themselves,
Don't. Just believe in yourself.

g o o d b y e s.

It's been almost a MONTH since i last posted.
Gosh.
Life's getting busier,
each day passes by so quickly,
i don't even have time to think back on what happened.

I seriously don't know what to do sometimes.
How am i supposed to handle this.





Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain,
and no matter where i go it's always pouring all the same.

The weather is going crazy.
Ouch.

I have only one thing on my mind.
Sleep.

And thanks for all the taggers,
whom tags i greatly appreciate,
although I can somehow sense that none were genuine,
I would still pretend I don't know anything like that.
:)
That makes the world a better place.

Ok goodbye.

The first week of school worn me out.
And guess what!
The real beginning starts tomorrow.
Oh, save me.


Okay, so I kind of read through abit of Romeo and Juliet,
and it's interesting. :)
To me at least.
It looks cool.
AND JULIET'S MY AGE.
WTH. -.-
AND SHE'S ALLOWED TO MARRY.

Ok bye.

2011.

Today is the first day of 2011.
Let this 2011 be a good year ahead.

And taggers, thanks alot for your tags.
I am glad this blog provide a source of inspiration for you,
although i know you're probably lying.
and yes TzeNing, i am planning to return you your book on the first day of school.

Okay, when school reopens,
i will probably not have time for my blog.
I sincerely apologise to my readers out there that I can no longer provide inspirational posts to inspire you guys. ):

When 2011 arrived, I knew i would miss 2010.
It had been an awesome, exciting, painful, meaningful and fruitful year.
I will never forget those good and bad times. Never. :)

Okay bye. I hope to be able to post soon.





Untouchable, like a distant diamond sky. That's you.