2012.

I wonder if anyone ever read blogs now; with all that Twitter and Facebook thing - blogs are like history.

But being the idiot I am, I'm gonna make a blog post (finally!) just in case some idiots out there like me still put their faith in reading blogs. (which is honestly speaking, a waste of time. So why am I still blogging?)

It's  5 November 2012. Amazing, 11 months and 5 days (well, almost; since it's 20:30 now) passed.
I can't believe it's been almost a year!
This year is really awesome.
Honestly.

All the people whom have entered my life - they are amazing.
I'm glad to have made friends with them, for they've touched my heart.
This year has allowed me opportunities to try so many splendid things I can only dream of before.
And I'm amazed at how beautiful the experiences are.
I thank all of the people who have made a difference in my life.
I'll keep those memories close with me at heart.

This year, certainly, fun as it is - has been extremely hectic.
Late nights, late dinners, returning home from school feeling as if you can simply drop dead.
Woah, those are things that shall become a norm in my future life.
But it's fulfilling, when that sense of satisfaction overwhelms an individual upon knowing you have accomplished something so difficult - like your homework. (seriously?)

Suddenly, when the year is almost over, the free time I have now leads me to self-reflection.
Reflecting upon myself is something I don't do very often.
Which probably explains why I'm such a mean asshole.

I've always told myself, and made it a new year resolution - to put now all of that hatred for others.
And simply let bygones be bygones, let the grudges leave you and embrace your enemies as friends.
Oh how nicely put.
But so very hard to do.

Indeed, at times, it gets tiring to hate that same old person for such a long time.
But amazingly, I just can't stop.
I realized, every time I try to tell myself - "Stop it okay, you got to stop hating."
The next moment I'll be like "Gosh, she's such a B****!"
Okay, I know. That sucks.
So I gave up.
I gave up trying to stop hating because I held myself in conviction that it's what most people do half the time.
It's like a natural thing nobody can control, so why try so hard to suppress it?

Then, another problem is - I get so scared and paranoid at times. (Okay, maybe most of the time).
And I hate it when I suffer from these random paranoia spasms.
I'll be like "WTS OMG WHAT'S GOING ON? I'M GONNA DIE!"
And everyone's thinking that girl's crazy.
Yeah, maybe I suffer from depression and is on the brink of spiraling down the cline of insanity.
I wouldn't doubt that - sometimes I get a very ominous suspicion that I might be suffering from the blues.

It's the end of a phase of my education life, and I'm too sure to say that I'm ready to enter the next.
There's just so many things I don't want to let go.
The place, the people, and memories.
Damn, everything.
That's another flaw I have -being so resistant to change.

"The essential quality of life is living, and the essential quality of living is change." - The Chrysalids; John Wyndham.

And woah, whenever I read that, I go like "Crap. I hate changing."
It's probably because I don't adapt easily.
And it takes me a lot of time to form a close bond with a new person who have just entered my life.

I get this feeling, that life's gonna suck.
I don't know, maybe it's just one of those stupid paranoia moments.
Gosh, I hate this feeling in me.

Okay, so um. I don't really know how to end this off.
But yeah, anyone whom might be reading this,
You would have realized that the useless post have wasted a few minutes of your precious time.
Who would want to hear a slightly deranged teenage girl ranting on utterly stupid things?





You're simply, the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life.
Like a dazzling bright star, you light up the dark heaven of my night.
Continue to shine, and make the face of heaven so fine.